They say in birth we contract, so we can expand in life after. I never really got it until I gave birth to Wilhelmina.
Everything changed.
My body cracked open, literally and figuratively. My nipples were raw and bleeding from cluster feeding. My hips? Wider. My sleep, my career, my identity, my freedom... all stretched, shifted, or disappeared entirely. And yet, something else was being born too.
Before Wilhelmina, I was a different woman. A different body one I didn't think was skinny enough when i look back and think I was nuts for thinking that. A different pace. I spent years in high-rise buildings, glued to the Wall Street trading floor, inhaling stale air under fluorescent lights and ordering the same $22 Sweetgreen or Dig Inn every day. My brain was sharp, they called me the Pitbull at work, but my body was quietly falling apart. Often hungover, underfed, anxious, and completely disconnected from what it needed.
Oh, and I used to be vegetarian which I believe I have recovered from but still get a little shit from my family about it. Or like... “mostly pescatarian” for a few years.
Then I got pregnant, and something primal switched on. I started craving red meat like it was oxygen. My body remembered something I hadn’t yet: that real nourishment comes from the ground, from the animal, from something whole and alive.
Now? I render beef fat for a living. I mean... tofu to 500 lbs of suet a week? Wild.
At My Neighbor’s, we source suet from regenerative farms right here in the Hudson Valley, melt it down slowly, and turn it into healing skincare for women, babies, families everyone.
This pregnancy? Totally different energy. First of all, I’m not vomiting in an Uber on the way to a client dinner to talk for 2 hrs about 2022 UK pension market stress or mini budgets. I’m not rotting behind a desk on the trading floor being called Shamu or asked if I’m having twins. (Let’s just be clear: I gained 28 lbs. I was not a “big” pregnant person. The industry was just cruel but don't worry I gave it back.)
This time around, I’m on my feet. I’m lifting boxes, mixing 55 gallons of liquid soap, walking through farms, pouring hot tallow for hours, packing at least 20 orders a day and dropping them at the post office because Fun Fact: the ladies there get a point for every package scanned and we’ve got to keep the USPS alive, okay?
I’m building something with my own two hands. I’m using my body and, honestly, it feels strong. Some days I forget I’m even pregnant until I look down and remember. Now she's moving around in there I also get the notifications literally inside of me too..
I’m also feeding myself properly now. Bone broth. Pasture-raised everything. Fermented veg. Tallow. We bake our own bread (okay, my husband does) and eat eggs from our chickens. I’m finally supporting my body the way it was meant to be supported not just with food, but with rest, sun, long baths, and slow breakfasts with Wilhelmina and my husband. Sometimes we even do a full English. And we’re out the door by 9am, not 6:30. So. Much. Better.
I’m slathering clean, non-toxic balms on my growing belly, balms we at My Neighbor's make. No synthetic fragrance. No endocrine disruptors. Just real ingredients from the land around us. And Wilhelmina? She uses the same balm on her cheeks, her knees, her little belly. This morning she climbed into bed and said, “Mommy I want a pink dress today and tallow on my boo boo.” I nearly cried. It’s all connected. Can we just mention how nuts the 2 year old language development is? literally full sentences - motherhood is amazing.
We’re not perfect. We still have room to grow on the non-toxic living front. But we’re doing our best. This pregnancy, this business, this season of life it all feels like expansion. I'd love to one day give this company to my littles as something they can build on.
So yes. In birth, we contract. It hurts. It’s raw. It asks everything of you.
But if you let it, that contraction opens you up to a fuller, deeper, wilder life.
This is mine. And I’m so damn grateful you’re here for it.
With love,
Harri